Lots of bad and sads things have happened over the past month but I think things are looking up for me. I found out yesterday that I got the job at the vet clinic. It is a full time job and after my 90 day probation period I will be eligible for benefits. This is very important to my husband and I since we both have to see the doctor now on a monthly basis. My husband and I have been getting along very well lately and I am so happy for that. With my PMDD I know that when it is my time of month it my or may not be a bit of a challenge. Since I have been on the pill this month I have felt more leveled out and not like I'm on a roller coaster. i hope it stays this way so that I dont have to start taking the Celexa. It is suppose to help me out but I have finally stopped having anxiety attacks because Im taking the pill I dont want to add something else that may bring them on.� Sure some people dont understand how I could have anxiety attacks b/c of the pill but it is true. Not that I am saying its the pill that causes the attack but the fact of me having to take it and the fear of the side effects causes me to have the attacks. Well wish me luck for the rest of the day.
wow...well where do i start...so theres this boy rite... hes suppose to be mi "bestfriend" but i fell 4 em, i knoe thats a nono..but hes so cute and so sweet and soo caring and loveable and i kan trust him with mi lyfe...idk wat to do,well he says he feels the same about me, but i dont see it< he says he dont knoe watd he do wit out me and blah blah but i think its all a lie i think he just wanted summ...which mi dumb ass gave it to emm..yeah we were hangin out and it just happened :[ it was the biggest mistake of mi lyfe...beleive me i regret it
imm so confusedd :[
There is this guy I like, but he is two years older then me, he is in high school and I am in middle school. He thinks of me as an annoying little sister, he got that from my brother. What do I do? I is really sweet and cute, I really want to go out with him.
Help!
�So I have been back "home" now for 11 days and it seems I have already dissapointed my parents just as many times.� Sunny So Cal feels colder than ever to me.�� Which maybe is why I was compelled to seek out a little warmth from the past.� The past to which I still cling SO hard.� So I people searched and googled him to no avail.� But finally, I went on to my space- the virtual down town coffee shop of this decade- and with a few clicks and scrolls THERE HE WAS!�
孤儿的孤独眼神
�
�� 每天跟看四川大地震的滚动新闻，我告诉敦敦，毁灭性地震的破坏性极大，有很多孩子在瞬间失去自己的双亲，成为无依无靠的孤儿，敦敦的第一反应是请求家里领养一个地震孤婴，他强调，我们要尽量不让小婴儿知道自己是被领养的，让他/她跟我一样在好的环境下健康长大。我知道您们年龄老了一些，我长大后会承担照顾这个弟弟或妹妹的责任， 如果是个弟弟，我长大一定会挣钱给他买一个PSP. 如果是个妹妹，我们叫她Ashley，这是个好名字。孩子的讲法虽然天真，但不失人性逻辑。晚上我把埋头做作业的敦敦叫出来，看了一分钟震后遗孤的画面。敦敦默默地走回书房写下下面的文字。大人不懂孩子的感受，更无法真正明白这些孤儿们当时的心境。看过敦敦的文字，我似乎明白了。
The loneliness in orphan’s eyes
� I watched the news of earthquake and told Don Don that the damage of the earthquake is huge and many children lost their parents within seconds and became orphan and had no one to depend on. The first reaction from Don Don is to ask me to consider adopting a baby orphan, he emphasized that we should try our best to make him or her believe he or she is our family member and he or she should grow up in a good environment together with me.� I can take responsibility of he or she when I grow up. If he is a little brother, I shall try earning money to buy him a PSP and if she is a girl, we can call her Ashley, a good name for a girl.� The comment from a child is full of human logic. I call him from his homework to watch the poor orphan for about 2 minutes; Don Don went back to his study room and wrote the following words. An adult can’t know the feelings of a child and it's difficult for us to understand how those orphans felt at that particular moment. �But I seem understand more after I read the Don Don’s words.�
Loneliness
The living dead are walking shells of their long-lost selves. They are the victims of the greatest death, the death of soul. They walk and seem normal, but when you look in their eyes, they are blank. The pain destroyed their soul and froze their mind in mindless panic. The curse of loneliness is upon them, with no one to understand them, no one to experience with them, no one to truly be with them.
（哀大莫过心死��� 心死了的人是失去灵魂的行走躯壳，他们是最大的死亡，灵魂死亡的牺牲品。他们能行走，看似正常，但当你观察他们的眼睛，双眼是全无表情的。痛苦毁灭了他们的灵魂，把他们的思维冰冻在无知觉的恐惧之中。他们被孤独所苦。没人能理解他们，没人能体会他们的痛苦，没人能真正地和他们在一起。）
Has it really been only a week?? It seems so much longer...
I'm sorry for not writing for a while. It has been incredibly hectic and troubling and just plain exhausting around here for a while.
Hmm... what happened, what happened.... last weekend I went camping. It was terrific and I had so much fun with my friend Grace and the other boys (and girls: Juliet and Arianna) in my camping group. We are all different ages, but we get along well. Grace and I are oldest, so we had to look after the other kids (none younger than 11, which made life easier), but they're a good group. There was no trouble from our kids. The trouble came from others.
It was Friday night and we were setting up camp. Grace and Michael had gone to get food with the supervising adults (of course there were adults!) and I was the only senior left--the one next closest in age to me was Alex, who is�13. We were having a lot of trouble with our kitchen tent, and some other campers who were nearby saw us struggling came over to help. They were Americans. One of them actually introduced himself to me like this: "Hey, I'm Nathan. My friends call me Nate. I'm pretty much�a hillbilly." I. Nearly. DIED. Laughing. Internally, of course. I wouldn't laugh at him to his face. But I could forsee trouble. The weekend we chose was popular with the campers, so there were plainly many boys there (that is not a comment on girls and camping--I camp, don't I?) and girls camping drew boys like dog biscuits draw particularly dumb golden retrievers. Nate wasn't even that handsome or nice, for God's sake. He was incredibly immature. I am sure that had I been wearing anything but a super-loose flannel button-down shirt his eyes would have zoomed to my chest. So even as I was enduring darling Nate, poor Juliet (11) was dealing with an admirer of her own. He was flirting ineptly with her, and eventually she became so mortified that she edged over to me and urgently muttered "SAVE ME!" So I told the boy that she was busy and had work to do and tried to imply,�thanks for the help, don't bother stopping by again. Heartless? I don't think so. He really was being very forward, and he couldn't have been older than she was. This little conversation, however, was a kind of foreshadowing to the role I would play at this camp: Spokesperson. Even in my blackest moods, even at my most antisocial, I would be expected to be the group's voice. How I got saddled with that role kind of escapes me, but that's what it was.
That night, little Juliet stalker boy showed up OUTSIDE OUR TENT. Thanks a bunch, David, for pointing him in the right direction. He was there whispering "Juliet? Juliet?" And I once again spoke up for her (at her prodding--she absolutely point-blank refused to. She also begged.) and told him to go away and leave us the hell alone. He complied.
The next day, during the activities we'd organised with some other campers, Nate came to talk to me again. This time Grace and one of the adults, Harry, were there. He approached me and asked if I wanted to meet him later at his campsite. I am pretty sure I looked horrified. I am fifteen. For me, that is YOUNG. And here I am, at CAMP, and for the first time a guy asks me out (in any way). Seriously?! Seriously?! Talk about one screwed up first-time. And the worst part is, during ALL of this, Harry and Grace were smiling vaguely into space and sauntering away, pretending not to pay attention. Some friend YOU are, Grace. I'm not that mad about that part, but I wish she had helped. I ended up mumbling something about being on supper detail that night and something about busy and not allowed to date, and then running away. I was mostly traumatised, though. Meu Deus. Later, Grace and I came up with a story-- I had with me a very pretty sterling silver ring I had bought recently (I know, taking a ring to camp, not the brightest idea) and I was going to wear it on the fourth finger of my left hand. If I saw him and he asked again, I would tell him it's a promise ring from my boyfriend, and that I was sorry, but I wouldn't cheat on him. This was a flawed plan (seeing as I'd already told him I didn't date) but we were very teenage-girl-ish and immature. Luckily for us, we did not see Juliet-stalker or Nate the rest of the weekend. (What's that you say? Of course I didn't hide. I just avoided him.)
The actual camping was fun, however. I met up with some friends that we had met the year before and we cheerfully re-exchanged emails (apparently theirs had crashed, or something along those lines). It was very funny. I didn't even know they were there that weekend, until a woman I didn't recognise yelled "Annabel!!!" very loudly from across the campsite. It scared me witless. Some�random woman yelling my name and waving to me? As we began talking she told me who she was, though, so it made more sense. And I visited her group's site and got reacquainted with her son (who Grace later pointed out was very attractive.) and stared at by everyone with a Y chromosome. Grace came too, and she got the same. Seriously. You'd think that all the boys get locked in girl-proof closets. I don't consider myself that attractive, but I got stared at. Weird, no? It was very uncomfortable.
There are many, many more camp stories, but I will save them for another day.
This week is "Arts Fest" at my school. Our band performed last night. We did great.
Aside from that, I am drowning in work. The stupid French project is nearly done. Talia's contribution was hours of arguing over nothing and typing up part of the finished copy. On top of that I have several more projects due next week--though thankfully no team ones. One Spanish, one History (Mao Tse-Tung, anyone? Don't quite know how I ended up with him), and one English. That last should be fine... I hope.
On top of all that, I was chosen as a judge for a writing competition for stories written by the teachers, so I had to read and judge about 10 stories. Some were good, some... not so good. The winners deserved their prizes.
Charlotte's aunt's funeral went on while I was camping. After it, 15 of her relatives went over to her house (Charlotte's) and got drunk. She said it was interesting being, along with her little brother, the only sober ones in the house.
And, beneath all this, underlying all this ridiculous complication, resides the persistant obsession. It helps me when I'm sad, it creates conversation with Char, and I love the books, but still, I know it's unhealthy. One day I will stop obsessing. I know it. Just not one day too soon.
Book suggestion: I am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak. Decent.
If I am not completely overwhelmed, I will write again soon. And, who knows, maybe not complain as much.
~Annabel
What life experiences have given me a sense of fulfillment or growth?
Hmmm I need to think about that one...Alot has.� I probably need to really think about that, it would probably be good for me.� Lately I've just felt like I'm living in constant chaos.� And its driving me to act depressed and crazy like.� That needs to change.
That was the fucking 3rd time that happened to me already.� i finally wrote something and spent a good amount of time into it and felt good to say things but when i tried to post it it didnt work for what reason who knows.� and now its lost and i cant remember word for word what i wrote and even if i did i dont want to do it again. im pissed why me.� i even copied it becasue i had a feeling it might happen again but i cant paste it.� man im really irrated now� shit can never just be as simple as it should when it comes to mme.� WHY?????? im not negitative about it so what the....
ChristineA 50, Female, Texas, USA - 10 entries
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